Well I have a bit of a game to play. Not really a game, more of an exercise to encourage an evaluation and positive change in your life. I will ask a question, then I will answer it. Not in some cheap MySpace survey form of an answer but in a serious analysis and evaluation of the question. I want to challenge and encourage you to steal my outline of questions after you read this and answer them for yourselves, thoroughly and honestly. I would love feedback and to see your responses in the comments section but if nothing else, keep them for yourselves and do not let the work in your lives end when this challenge is over. The key to finishing a successful life is realizing there is in fact no finish line on Earth.
*for intensive purposes when questions ask about you in the past recall yourself from 8-10yrs old.
What did you want to be when you grew up?
When I was a boy I wanted to be a soldier when I grew up. I was raised on movies like Predator and Rambo or take your pick of that era of action-war movies. I was captivated by the inherent danger that went along with the job. I remember being glued to that awful circa 1989 shaggy drab carpet in my living room watching bullets soar past Chuck Norris in Delta Force or watching Stallone take countless shots in the arm or leg and keep on going. It was the adventure that is coded into every man from birth and as a boy I knew that I needed to live out that adventure. I was set on going into the unwinnable battles and the hostile situations and danger be damned I was going to put foot to ass for the less capable and unfortunate. I would fight for what was right until I had no fight left and just like the men I watched on the big screen, I wouldn't be able to lose because the good guy always wins.
What do you do for a living now?
I own a small business doing residential renovations and apartment maintenance. I am currently working on a degree in Social Work with specialization in Chemical Dependency Counseling.
How is this like what you imagined yourself doing when you grew up?
Well most people don't see it but I often notice a direct correlation between what I wanted to be and where I am. I wanted to be a war hero so I could help people. Sure, I'd get to be all jacked up carrying awesome guns and never wearing a shirt, but the main ideal behind it was the cause; doing something with my capable masculinity to help those in need and those unable to help themselves. You may be thinking "Whoa, how in Gods name does that relate to painting a house or fixing a clogged drain in someones apartment?" Everyday I go to work and I pick up tools, instead of guns, and I go into the trenches of filthy apartments in sketchy neighborhoods and I provide service for those less fortunate and unable to do it themselves. I leave work filthy everyday but I love driving home dead tired and knowing something as simple as the fact that an old lady can have a hot bath tonight because i fixed her tub, or kid's can play a little safer because i cleaned up the broken bottles in their courtyard. It may not be as glamorous or extreme as coming home from war but the warrior heart God put in every man shows up in my work everyday. Once my degree is finished I plan on cutting back my construction hours and entering the rehab field full time. That is pretty self explanatory when it comes to helping the incapable.
How is it different than what you imagined yourself doing?
Well killing tyrants and oppressors for the sake of the innocent and preservation of freedom throughout the world is a far cry from stopping the leak in someones ceiling. Sure, I get to help people everyday at work and that's great but I have shied away from the true barbaric nature that God intends for men to live in. I never thought I'd be sitting in traffic at 7am sipping a coffee listening to the weather on the radio.
How did this happen?
By 25 I was supposed to have medals and monuments for saving the world. I've made countless small sacrifices along the way in the name of safety or convenience. Tons of things ranging from taking the easier classes in high school to walking out of my SAT's to go to a party have gradually changed the course of my life. As C.S. Lewis said "The safest road to Hell is the gradual one - the gentle slope, soft underfoot,without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.", Little things like spending extra money on nonsense instead of saving it or getting involved with the wrong crowd or the hundred other things our parents warned us about have gradually watered down the flavor of life. My personal struggle was in trying to find myself through drugs and alcohol and the validation of others. Going through this day in and day out requires the application of several masks all worn over several layers of lies that all compound one another. To be successful at this facade I've had to leave small pieces of my heart here or there never thinking it a big deal at the time. As you all know, after enough small spills there is nothing left, no zest, no spice. Once I left myself with an undesirable life I couldn't think of a reason to fight for that life so I settled for sub par living. Just getting by was enough for me.
What would your 8yr old self say to you right now?
That's it? You've settled and compromised on so many things throughout your live that I'm embarrassed that I turned out like you. You are nothing like we planned day after day in the tree forts 20yrs ago. You suck!
How do you plan to rectify the situation?
I was content being nothing. I hid in the bottom of bottles and barrooms all over the place. My family always saw the potential in me and tried to hold me to it so I pushed them away the most. I surrounded myself with losers with no ambition because I knew they wouldn't expect a damn thing from me. With a whole crew of "friends" readily available to cosign my crap and and coach me along in the "poor me" game I was untouchable. But at night, the few nights I wasn't too drunk or high to feel anything I couldn't escape the yearning for more. I didn't know what more was but I knew it had be better than this. When I gave my life to the Lord and stopped searching out more on my own he revealed more to me. As more is revealed to me and I carry out life as a true man with a warrior heart and not some timid facade trying to stay below the radar I feel myself becoming closer to what I wanted to be as a boy. Granted I may not be leading rescue missions and ground assaults across the globe, but I am throwing caution to the wind on a regular basis and living out the mission to help the lost and forgotten. Whether its a cup of soup or a van ride to church or a donation, Its a difference and an opportunity to be someones hero on a daily basis. Even if I have to wear a shirt.
I plan to live this way until the Lord takes me home. My prayer for you is that you find your way back to who you wanted to be with a heart for God.
