Well I have a bit of a game to play. Not really a game, more of an exercise to encourage an evaluation and positive change in your life. I will ask a question, then I will answer it. Not in some cheap MySpace survey form of an answer but in a serious analysis and evaluation of the question. I want to challenge and encourage you to steal my outline of questions after you read this and answer them for yourselves, thoroughly and honestly. I would love feedback and to see your responses in the comments section but if nothing else, keep them for yourselves and do not let the work in your lives end when this challenge is over. The key to finishing a successful life is realizing there is in fact no finish line on Earth.
*for intensive purposes when questions ask about you in the past recall yourself from 8-10yrs old.
What did you want to be when you grew up?
When I was a boy I wanted to be a soldier when I grew up. I was raised on movies like Predator and Rambo or take your pick of that era of action-war movies. I was captivated by the inherent danger that went along with the job. I remember being glued to that awful circa 1989 shaggy drab carpet in my living room watching bullets soar past Chuck Norris in Delta Force or watching Stallone take countless shots in the arm or leg and keep on going. It was the adventure that is coded into every man from birth and as a boy I knew that I needed to live out that adventure. I was set on going into the unwinnable battles and the hostile situations and danger be damned I was going to put foot to ass for the less capable and unfortunate. I would fight for what was right until I had no fight left and just like the men I watched on the big screen, I wouldn't be able to lose because the good guy always wins.
What do you do for a living now?
I own a small business doing residential renovations and apartment maintenance. I am currently working on a degree in Social Work with specialization in Chemical Dependency Counseling.
How is this like what you imagined yourself doing when you grew up?
Well most people don't see it but I often notice a direct correlation between what I wanted to be and where I am. I wanted to be a war hero so I could help people. Sure, I'd get to be all jacked up carrying awesome guns and never wearing a shirt, but the main ideal behind it was the cause; doing something with my capable masculinity to help those in need and those unable to help themselves. You may be thinking "Whoa, how in Gods name does that relate to painting a house or fixing a clogged drain in someones apartment?" Everyday I go to work and I pick up tools, instead of guns, and I go into the trenches of filthy apartments in sketchy neighborhoods and I provide service for those less fortunate and unable to do it themselves. I leave work filthy everyday but I love driving home dead tired and knowing something as simple as the fact that an old lady can have a hot bath tonight because i fixed her tub, or kid's can play a little safer because i cleaned up the broken bottles in their courtyard. It may not be as glamorous or extreme as coming home from war but the warrior heart God put in every man shows up in my work everyday. Once my degree is finished I plan on cutting back my construction hours and entering the rehab field full time. That is pretty self explanatory when it comes to helping the incapable.
How is it different than what you imagined yourself doing?
Well killing tyrants and oppressors for the sake of the innocent and preservation of freedom throughout the world is a far cry from stopping the leak in someones ceiling. Sure, I get to help people everyday at work and that's great but I have shied away from the true barbaric nature that God intends for men to live in. I never thought I'd be sitting in traffic at 7am sipping a coffee listening to the weather on the radio.
How did this happen?
By 25 I was supposed to have medals and monuments for saving the world. I've made countless small sacrifices along the way in the name of safety or convenience. Tons of things ranging from taking the easier classes in high school to walking out of my SAT's to go to a party have gradually changed the course of my life. As C.S. Lewis said "The safest road to Hell is the gradual one - the gentle slope, soft underfoot,without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.", Little things like spending extra money on nonsense instead of saving it or getting involved with the wrong crowd or the hundred other things our parents warned us about have gradually watered down the flavor of life. My personal struggle was in trying to find myself through drugs and alcohol and the validation of others. Going through this day in and day out requires the application of several masks all worn over several layers of lies that all compound one another. To be successful at this facade I've had to leave small pieces of my heart here or there never thinking it a big deal at the time. As you all know, after enough small spills there is nothing left, no zest, no spice. Once I left myself with an undesirable life I couldn't think of a reason to fight for that life so I settled for sub par living. Just getting by was enough for me.
What would your 8yr old self say to you right now?
That's it? You've settled and compromised on so many things throughout your live that I'm embarrassed that I turned out like you. You are nothing like we planned day after day in the tree forts 20yrs ago. You suck!
How do you plan to rectify the situation?
I was content being nothing. I hid in the bottom of bottles and barrooms all over the place. My family always saw the potential in me and tried to hold me to it so I pushed them away the most. I surrounded myself with losers with no ambition because I knew they wouldn't expect a damn thing from me. With a whole crew of "friends" readily available to cosign my crap and and coach me along in the "poor me" game I was untouchable. But at night, the few nights I wasn't too drunk or high to feel anything I couldn't escape the yearning for more. I didn't know what more was but I knew it had be better than this. When I gave my life to the Lord and stopped searching out more on my own he revealed more to me. As more is revealed to me and I carry out life as a true man with a warrior heart and not some timid facade trying to stay below the radar I feel myself becoming closer to what I wanted to be as a boy. Granted I may not be leading rescue missions and ground assaults across the globe, but I am throwing caution to the wind on a regular basis and living out the mission to help the lost and forgotten. Whether its a cup of soup or a van ride to church or a donation, Its a difference and an opportunity to be someones hero on a daily basis. Even if I have to wear a shirt.
I plan to live this way until the Lord takes me home. My prayer for you is that you find your way back to who you wanted to be with a heart for God.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Guys Like Me
So a coworker was warned today about talking to "guys like me". My initial reaction was anger at the fool who made the generalization and I contemplated various ways of telling him off or punching him in the dick. Recently I have been trying to curb my urges to shake someone like a baby or belittle them so much they wouldn't even consider speaking to me again. So after a moment I calmed myself but the wheels were turning, I got to thinking what is a guy like me? What am I that is so threatening or childish or any of a dozen adjectives for that matter? A series of questions flooded my mind about what guys like me are and what people may see or thing of guys like me.
I drive a pickup but its parked next to my moped. I am covered in head to toe tattoos but I will gladly babysit your children. I work in hell Monday through Friday but I am in church Friday through Sunday. I have a loaded gun in my kitchen but I'll make you breakfast from scratch. I have a dog on my porch but my railings are decorated with flowers. I will help you move any time but I will leave you on the side of the road just as quick. I would step in front of a car for you but won't hesitate to fight you just as quickly. I try to get along with everyone but I could care less about anyones approval. I'm working towards a Masters in Social Work and I still have my own issues. I joined the Army to put foot to ass but I took a job as a medic to save people. I watch horror movies and write love songs. I'm cold and calculated but a smile is a one way ticket to my heart. I know God will provide for me but I'm still a workaholic. I love my family more than anything yet I moved 864 miles away from them.
These are just a few points of the dichotomy that is a guy like me. I am many things but can't be defined to my knowledge by any one thing. So I ask you; What is a guy like me?
I drive a pickup but its parked next to my moped. I am covered in head to toe tattoos but I will gladly babysit your children. I work in hell Monday through Friday but I am in church Friday through Sunday. I have a loaded gun in my kitchen but I'll make you breakfast from scratch. I have a dog on my porch but my railings are decorated with flowers. I will help you move any time but I will leave you on the side of the road just as quick. I would step in front of a car for you but won't hesitate to fight you just as quickly. I try to get along with everyone but I could care less about anyones approval. I'm working towards a Masters in Social Work and I still have my own issues. I joined the Army to put foot to ass but I took a job as a medic to save people. I watch horror movies and write love songs. I'm cold and calculated but a smile is a one way ticket to my heart. I know God will provide for me but I'm still a workaholic. I love my family more than anything yet I moved 864 miles away from them.
These are just a few points of the dichotomy that is a guy like me. I am many things but can't be defined to my knowledge by any one thing. So I ask you; What is a guy like me?
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Gods own image.
Now that the formal introduction is over lets tackle an interesting topic we all have personal struggles with... Are you really created in Gods image?
I have a revelation on the subject. or more of an incomprehensible rant of a theory.
In my oppinion man was created as a controlable toned down version of Gods image. Hear me out because tihs could answer several of your most plaguing questions all at once. Anyone versed in theological studdies has come across the notion that there has been more than one creation so to speak. There has also never been a hard conclusion put to the disapearance of dinosaurs. Nor has there been any resolution to the time gaps between our existances.
Lets try this on for size:
In Gods original creation it played out very similar to the story were all used to except on day 6 there was no man. On day 6 God created a being truly in his image. God being the untimate in all aspects devised this being in his image; smart, lethal, apex, dominant, unstoppable. On day 6 the Lord gave Earth the velociraptor. What a magnificent creature. The apex predator, as godlike as anything walknig the Earth could be, truly created in his image.
The raptor also had the free will that God has been so atimate in making a part of all his noble creations. Given the raptors machine like killing skills, free will and the thirst for knowledge similar to humans it began to consume the earth. The true apex being created in Gods image was causing havoc and would no longer be submissive to God. Enter the destrustion of the world, or ice age or whateve teh scientists call it these days. As a direct result of the veliciraptors unwillingness to take a backseat to God the wrath we have all heard about was unleashed.
Gods next attempt at creation in his image would be more focused on giving the being spiritual and emotional qualities that are Godlike and less emphasis on the physical godliness given our youth as a species and inability to control ourselves. Much like the veliciraptors created in Gods image millenia ago we as humans are starting to abuse our power and authority as supreme beings. Fortunate for us we were not given the double edged sword of physical awesomeness that the raptor was so it in effect has dramatically slowed down our destruction of ourselves but I assure you, as the velociraptors did, we will reap the wrath of God for our disobedience. It is only a matter of time before God shakes up the etch-a-sketch and starts over so get your affairs in order.
I have a revelation on the subject. or more of an incomprehensible rant of a theory.
In my oppinion man was created as a controlable toned down version of Gods image. Hear me out because tihs could answer several of your most plaguing questions all at once. Anyone versed in theological studdies has come across the notion that there has been more than one creation so to speak. There has also never been a hard conclusion put to the disapearance of dinosaurs. Nor has there been any resolution to the time gaps between our existances.
Lets try this on for size:
In Gods original creation it played out very similar to the story were all used to except on day 6 there was no man. On day 6 God created a being truly in his image. God being the untimate in all aspects devised this being in his image; smart, lethal, apex, dominant, unstoppable. On day 6 the Lord gave Earth the velociraptor. What a magnificent creature. The apex predator, as godlike as anything walknig the Earth could be, truly created in his image.
The raptor also had the free will that God has been so atimate in making a part of all his noble creations. Given the raptors machine like killing skills, free will and the thirst for knowledge similar to humans it began to consume the earth. The true apex being created in Gods image was causing havoc and would no longer be submissive to God. Enter the destrustion of the world, or ice age or whateve teh scientists call it these days. As a direct result of the veliciraptors unwillingness to take a backseat to God the wrath we have all heard about was unleashed.
Gods next attempt at creation in his image would be more focused on giving the being spiritual and emotional qualities that are Godlike and less emphasis on the physical godliness given our youth as a species and inability to control ourselves. Much like the veliciraptors created in Gods image millenia ago we as humans are starting to abuse our power and authority as supreme beings. Fortunate for us we were not given the double edged sword of physical awesomeness that the raptor was so it in effect has dramatically slowed down our destruction of ourselves but I assure you, as the velociraptors did, we will reap the wrath of God for our disobedience. It is only a matter of time before God shakes up the etch-a-sketch and starts over so get your affairs in order.
A bit of background
So now that I am going to subject you to my ranting about all manners of nonsense under the sun, and some not under the sun, I figured I should probably kick off this adventure with a little background on myself. Perhaps to provide some clarity, but more so that we may glance at the same target down the barrel of the same gun.
Well my Name is Chuck, or Charles James Scully if you are a court appointed official. If you didnt know my name before reading this I am curious to know how you came upon my blog so please feel free to inform me. I was born in Kingston, New York on June 23, 1984. I now live in Lexington, Kentucky; far enough away from the noise to try and put some thoughts on paper.
My life has been riddled with significant experiences throughout. I find irony in the fact that most of said experiences werent very significant in the moment htat they happened. Now looking back on my life events, as i like to do on a regular basis, I tend to see more of how certain events and happenings played more of a significant role in the things I do and the man I have become over the years. I think when we set out to do something monumental it is often the little tihngs we do along hte way that really shape or cultivate the experience. Life tends to happen to most people while they're busy making plans for it.
I lived my life from about twelve to twenty four on a pace that would rival most rock stars and Hollywood actors. I never gave much thought ot what I was doing or where it would lead me. I experienced a lot of things early in my life that made me question everything from whether my parents actually cared about me to the idea that God even existed. I lived a terrible existance under two main premises: that my life only affected me so how I acted wouldn't hurt anyone but me. And the idea that if God did exist I was going to Hell anyways and if he didnt exist I had nothing to worry about so I had nothing to lose. The world is a dangerous place for a man where winning isn't an option. I wanted to die everyday and I wanted to have a good time doing it, regardless of whos expense it was at. I put more drugs and alcohol in my system that decade than your average human sees in a lifetime and made a point of participating in the most reckless behavior imaginable. If I was going to die it was certainly going to be in the style of somethnig that would have me remembered for years to come. I did everything from driving the wrong way down the highway to jumping off of a third story balcony into a three foot pool.
It seemed as though I was destined to survive all of this and live in absolute miseryforever until one night I decided to push the limits; drinking hard liquor and class A narcotics for a few days straight led me to an attempt on my life. Thankfully a failed attempt. After some medical attention I found myself in a long term inpatient rehab. Somewhere along the lines I got my head out of me selfish ass and realized that my life affects everyone involved in it and not just myself. My parents certainly have there shortcomings but no matter how little they have they would give it unquestioned for me. I've come to understand that the tribulations God allows one to go through have purpose no matter how hard it can be to see. I would not be who I am today had I not experienced a lifetime worth of suffering at the expense of myself and others. I am nearly finished with an AAS in Chemical Dependency Counseling and will be completing my Bachelors of Social Work at UK after my National Guard training as a 62W (combat medic) is finished so I can pass on the message that was given to me. A message of experience, stregnth, and hope. My experiences were not in vain, had I not gone through it I would not be equipped or understanding enough to be successful in the field I am entering.
People often have an "ah ha!" moment that shapes there perspective on life. I cant put my finger on a specific time or place where it all came together for me. Whether it was laying bloody in the pool after jumping, sitting in jail after driving on the off ramp, or your pick of the hospital trips I couldn't tell you. I found myself in Alabama on a tornado relief trip and as I was getting ready for bed on a gym floor trying to mentally prepare for what I was about to encounter I got confirmation. Not so much a sense of clarity about what I should be doing but a feeling of confirmation that I was right where God wanted me to be. I met some amazing people there and since have furthered my relationship with then and through other avenues of service. So although I couldnt give a specific time or date that a certain experience changed a certain something about me I can say they all have given me a profound understanding and purpose: a renewed faith in God and his work in my life, a reestablished relationship with my family, a sense of accomplishment and love in my life. Everyone should be as fortunate to experience my sufferings and awakenings.
Well my Name is Chuck, or Charles James Scully if you are a court appointed official. If you didnt know my name before reading this I am curious to know how you came upon my blog so please feel free to inform me. I was born in Kingston, New York on June 23, 1984. I now live in Lexington, Kentucky; far enough away from the noise to try and put some thoughts on paper.
My life has been riddled with significant experiences throughout. I find irony in the fact that most of said experiences werent very significant in the moment htat they happened. Now looking back on my life events, as i like to do on a regular basis, I tend to see more of how certain events and happenings played more of a significant role in the things I do and the man I have become over the years. I think when we set out to do something monumental it is often the little tihngs we do along hte way that really shape or cultivate the experience. Life tends to happen to most people while they're busy making plans for it.
I lived my life from about twelve to twenty four on a pace that would rival most rock stars and Hollywood actors. I never gave much thought ot what I was doing or where it would lead me. I experienced a lot of things early in my life that made me question everything from whether my parents actually cared about me to the idea that God even existed. I lived a terrible existance under two main premises: that my life only affected me so how I acted wouldn't hurt anyone but me. And the idea that if God did exist I was going to Hell anyways and if he didnt exist I had nothing to worry about so I had nothing to lose. The world is a dangerous place for a man where winning isn't an option. I wanted to die everyday and I wanted to have a good time doing it, regardless of whos expense it was at. I put more drugs and alcohol in my system that decade than your average human sees in a lifetime and made a point of participating in the most reckless behavior imaginable. If I was going to die it was certainly going to be in the style of somethnig that would have me remembered for years to come. I did everything from driving the wrong way down the highway to jumping off of a third story balcony into a three foot pool.
It seemed as though I was destined to survive all of this and live in absolute miseryforever until one night I decided to push the limits; drinking hard liquor and class A narcotics for a few days straight led me to an attempt on my life. Thankfully a failed attempt. After some medical attention I found myself in a long term inpatient rehab. Somewhere along the lines I got my head out of me selfish ass and realized that my life affects everyone involved in it and not just myself. My parents certainly have there shortcomings but no matter how little they have they would give it unquestioned for me. I've come to understand that the tribulations God allows one to go through have purpose no matter how hard it can be to see. I would not be who I am today had I not experienced a lifetime worth of suffering at the expense of myself and others. I am nearly finished with an AAS in Chemical Dependency Counseling and will be completing my Bachelors of Social Work at UK after my National Guard training as a 62W (combat medic) is finished so I can pass on the message that was given to me. A message of experience, stregnth, and hope. My experiences were not in vain, had I not gone through it I would not be equipped or understanding enough to be successful in the field I am entering.
People often have an "ah ha!" moment that shapes there perspective on life. I cant put my finger on a specific time or place where it all came together for me. Whether it was laying bloody in the pool after jumping, sitting in jail after driving on the off ramp, or your pick of the hospital trips I couldn't tell you. I found myself in Alabama on a tornado relief trip and as I was getting ready for bed on a gym floor trying to mentally prepare for what I was about to encounter I got confirmation. Not so much a sense of clarity about what I should be doing but a feeling of confirmation that I was right where God wanted me to be. I met some amazing people there and since have furthered my relationship with then and through other avenues of service. So although I couldnt give a specific time or date that a certain experience changed a certain something about me I can say they all have given me a profound understanding and purpose: a renewed faith in God and his work in my life, a reestablished relationship with my family, a sense of accomplishment and love in my life. Everyone should be as fortunate to experience my sufferings and awakenings.
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